Tag Archives: beauty

Butterfly.

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Tough life. Life is tough. One moment it’s easy, but you’ve forgotten to balance. Balance your friends with your cheque book, balance your studies with your beau. Balance everything.

So you wake up one day with an emerging epiphany, or is that just another grey hair? You think, I need to be better. I need to be more than I was yesterday. I need to prove to myself, to the world, that I know how to have an easy life. I possess the organization, the skills to balance. To be whole.

And you try for the next 24 hours to be on top of things. You say hello and goodbye. You eat quick, and think much faster. You make your bed, you wash your clothes, you say goodnight.

You saw very little. Your friend was in need of comfort, but you had no time. Your food was not savored, your bed was unwelcoming. Your dreams lacked spontaneity, no escape from your perfect world. You balanced everything, and lost more.

You walk around proud of your achievements. Of your ability to do what makes you thrive. But you feel alone, you crave attention, you try to be perfect but perfection isn’t perfect.

You have these wings that emerge when you do something for yourself, something that changes you. You fly to the comfort of the collective, as they fly to you. To follow the standard approach, to organize your chaos, to streamline your mistakes to reach avoidance. You are hiding those wings that take you to new places.

I wanted to be normal. You wanted to be normal. But normal isn’t perfect. Normal lacks creativity, the term is stagnant. Live in constant flux, never pausing, always seeking new lessons, new experiences. You will find a passion for something that you hadn’t thought twice about before, before you hopped under your covers. You love like you live, in a stable manor. But those who love most, feel most, see hearts collide, beating. Be jealous of the free birds, not the nested ones.

A.


Flowers.

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Found.

You know when you just stand in front of your mirror, totally naked?

You begin to judge yourself…cellulite, stretch marks, excess weight, pasty skin, nose too big, eyes too small, hips too wide…and then one day you stop judging as harshly?

You stand face to face with the mirror and you notice you look great. You’re smiling at yourself. Hold that feeling – just pause and don’t let go. You have made peace with yourself for that very moment and everything is wonderful. It doesn’t matter if it’s raining outside, there’s light in your heart.

I just had that moment. I stood in front of my mirror. I thought to myself…what is wrong with me? During these days when my motivation and confidence are seriously lacking, I’ve been asking myself this question, trying to make sense of my present state.

Immediately I started to think that I must find my flaws. I looked in the mirror at my body. And I didn’t see any. I started thinking about my personality. What is wrong with it? Again I contemplated…and came up with no result. I know I have flaws…everyone does. But in this moment I just had, I had zero. I smiled at myself in the mirror, knowing I had just achieved something big.

I can smile at myself, and in return, boost my own confidence and make myself happy. Today was a great day. Today I found myself again. I guess I had to lose myself to improve myself.

A.

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Daily.

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I want to be beautiful.

I want to be beautiful.

We have needs: shelter, food, water, security. We have wants: new truck, big house, lots of money. And then we have desires. Qualities of ourselves we wish to have or achieve at some point during our lives.

I want to be beautiful.

A desire common to the majority. But before you can say you want to be beautiful, what is the definition of beautiful? Who’s to say what person is more beautiful than another? What qualities of beauty are necessary for one to acquire? Is beauty a physical trait, or maybe emotional or spiritual, or anything else you may suggest?

I want to be beautiful.

You keep repeating it like you know the answer. You can say the phrase over and over, but you literally cannot define what beauty really is, simply for the fact that you can’t even see it within yourself already. Shame on you. You want to be beautiful? Start with what’s already beautiful, and build from there.

I am beautiful.

Good. You’re not a blank canvas. As you grew, so did your body and mind. You have qualities that distinguish you from the rest, and those may be beautiful. Can you see it now? Your long eyelashes from your mother, your dimples from your father. The bounce in your step you’ve always had, your energetic personality that brings the crowd together. You see it now? Great. Now, think about those little things you do that you think are not so beautiful. How about your bitchy attitude towards your parents when you don’t get your way. Or simply the number of cowlicks in your hair that causes plenty of bad hair days? Ok. So we all have our flaws. But lets just believe that the beautiful traits outweigh the bad ones and that we all start with beauty.

I want to be beautiful.

You’ve reflected on your beautiful qualities, and your not so beautiful ones. However, you still say the same phrase, still say you want to be beautiful. You can respect that there are beautiful traits about you. Yet you want more. Fair enough. The next question then must be, what can you do to make yourself more beautiful. Well it’s actually simple. Just live. Live life by your morals, your standards, do good and do bad, experience things. Because, as you can see from the picture quote posted in this blog, that you are beautiful not just from your personality and physical attributes, but your experience, your sensitivity, your understanding of the world. It’s time to look beyond the mirror and the makeup and the compliments from the opposite sex. It’s time to look at yourself and say

I am beautiful.

Because you start beautiful, you continue to be beautiful, and when your ending arrives, you will rest in beauty and peace. You can’t quantify beauty at each stage, you just have to choose to show your beautiful traits more than your not so beautiful ones to ensure you are seen as the person you want to be.

It’s not about knowing you’re beautiful, but more so being so caught up in life that you have no time to worry about being beautiful. Only then will your beauty shine. And people will notice.

Cheers,

A.

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Old Faithful.

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Five years with these bad boys. These old converse sneakers, original hightops in black canvas. Kept them clean the first couple of weeks…that didn’t last long. But the dirtier they got, the more I loved them. The history stuck in the sole of these shoes mesmerizes me. The once-white laces, the overall rugged landscape of the shoe…

These converses have gone camping, have been covered in mud and water. I longed for a pair for so long and finally obtained a pair in my senior year of high school. I wore them everywhere. School dances, walking to the grocery store, to my high school graduation party. They are submerged in memories. If I get rid of them, it almost seems as though those memories might be forgotten. Some people don’t even have shoes, it’s their feet that contain the memories. They feel everything they do with more depth than I ever have, aside from running on the beach as a child in only my own skin. I wish I could take everything I have done in these shoes and contain it in a box close to my heart. I swear these shoes made me who I am today. 

They reflected my inner tomboy. I could still kick a soccer ball in these shoes, run around the bases in baseball with only minor penalities in the speed and no-slip department, and while I wasn’t barefoot, they clung tight enough to let me feel many obstacles beneath. 

They provided freedom on the dance floor. I’ve always loved to dance. Now that I’m more of a woman than a girl, heels are my go-to when I go out dancing. But thinking about how pain-free and unrestricted converses are in comparison makes me wish I didn’t like wearing skirts and dresses so much now. They’d look a little off with a pencil skirt and silk top. 

They were some of my best years. I accomplished graduating from high school, top in my class. These shoes got me there. They kept me grounded. They kept me in  my room instead of out partying…I would try on so many outfits alone in my room at night, avec shoes. And one day, I went out and bought low-top red converses….

Never have I been attracted to the low-tops as much as my high-tops. Never the same feelings towards them. They were meant to look better with shorts, but they never felt quite right. 3rd year in university, 3 years away from home, and the only pair of converses I have with me are my beaten up old faithfuls

So where am I going with all of this? Many people reflect on how shoes symbolize your journey, your state of being, you. And I respect that. But I wanted to reflect further on how much some materialistic possession can mean to you based solely on the memories contained. I put those converses on here and there, wear them to the library, maybe the grocery store. And it brings me back home, back to immature high school days, back to my family, back to my grade 12 camping trip with people I grew up with. If I lost these converses, I realize those memories really are within me, and I won’t lose them. But it’s the states of transition I like, being able to step back and look how far I’ve come now from where I came. 

So here’s to those grungy shoes in the back of our closets we tend to neglect. They’re always bringing us back to our roots, and teaching us to move forward with no regrets

A. 

 


Favourite.

Favourite.

Favourite piece from A.J.M Smith’s poem “The Lonely Land”