Tag Archives: beautiful

Butterfly.

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Tough life. Life is tough. One moment it’s easy, but you’ve forgotten to balance. Balance your friends with your cheque book, balance your studies with your beau. Balance everything.

So you wake up one day with an emerging epiphany, or is that just another grey hair? You think, I need to be better. I need to be more than I was yesterday. I need to prove to myself, to the world, that I know how to have an easy life. I possess the organization, the skills to balance. To be whole.

And you try for the next 24 hours to be on top of things. You say hello and goodbye. You eat quick, and think much faster. You make your bed, you wash your clothes, you say goodnight.

You saw very little. Your friend was in need of comfort, but you had no time. Your food was not savored, your bed was unwelcoming. Your dreams lacked spontaneity, no escape from your perfect world. You balanced everything, and lost more.

You walk around proud of your achievements. Of your ability to do what makes you thrive. But you feel alone, you crave attention, you try to be perfect but perfection isn’t perfect.

You have these wings that emerge when you do something for yourself, something that changes you. You fly to the comfort of the collective, as they fly to you. To follow the standard approach, to organize your chaos, to streamline your mistakes to reach avoidance. You are hiding those wings that take you to new places.

I wanted to be normal. You wanted to be normal. But normal isn’t perfect. Normal lacks creativity, the term is stagnant. Live in constant flux, never pausing, always seeking new lessons, new experiences. You will find a passion for something that you hadn’t thought twice about before, before you hopped under your covers. You love like you live, in a stable manor. But those who love most, feel most, see hearts collide, beating. Be jealous of the free birds, not the nested ones.

A.


Flowers.

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Waiting for Superman.

“The way she smiles.”

I want someone to notice that. Not my cleavage. Not my mini skirt. I don’t want to judge them in the same, degrading way. Muscles, jawline, attire. I walk into a club and I see faces…bodies…so disconnected.

Everyone judges the surface. I believe I have more below the surface to offer and so do most. I can’t stand the thought of wanting to meet someone based solely on their looks. I want to know more…

When you were 5, who was your biggest inspiration? When you fall asleep at night, what’s the last thing you think about? Do you bike, ski, run? Are you Conservative or Liberal? Happy or sad? Where are you in your life right now? Do you say you are a truthful person? How many glasses of water do you drink a day? I bet you forget to floss daily.

And I want them to know more about me…

My biggest inspiration were my parents. I constantly think about my future before I shut my eyes. I play soccer, I dance unprofessionally in my room and shower, and I’m open to doing more. Neither, NDP all the way. Happy, most of the time. I’m not quite sure where life will take me, but I’m sure of myself so that’s ok. I lie, but I know my limits – I am truthful to those I care about. I don’t count, but I probably should. Hey. You’re not my dentist…are you?

I make it sound so easy. But it’s not. It’s much easier to see a face and make assumptions. To settle for not knowing. If the world were blind, maybe we would learn to appreciate the meaning of words. Maybe we’d strike up a few extra conversations throughout our day. Listen to our bodies, accept our feelings, and love with our hearts.

In a world filled with disconnect, we find ourselves waiting for our hero. True…I’m waiting for my superman.

…But I hope I have the strength and courage to stop waiting and be a hero myself.

A.

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Reminder.

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Care.

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Never.

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Found.

You know when you just stand in front of your mirror, totally naked?

You begin to judge yourself…cellulite, stretch marks, excess weight, pasty skin, nose too big, eyes too small, hips too wide…and then one day you stop judging as harshly?

You stand face to face with the mirror and you notice you look great. You’re smiling at yourself. Hold that feeling – just pause and don’t let go. You have made peace with yourself for that very moment and everything is wonderful. It doesn’t matter if it’s raining outside, there’s light in your heart.

I just had that moment. I stood in front of my mirror. I thought to myself…what is wrong with me? During these days when my motivation and confidence are seriously lacking, I’ve been asking myself this question, trying to make sense of my present state.

Immediately I started to think that I must find my flaws. I looked in the mirror at my body. And I didn’t see any. I started thinking about my personality. What is wrong with it? Again I contemplated…and came up with no result. I know I have flaws…everyone does. But in this moment I just had, I had zero. I smiled at myself in the mirror, knowing I had just achieved something big.

I can smile at myself, and in return, boost my own confidence and make myself happy. Today was a great day. Today I found myself again. I guess I had to lose myself to improve myself.

A.

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