Category Archives: Love

Butterfly.

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Tough life. Life is tough. One moment it’s easy, but you’ve forgotten to balance. Balance your friends with your cheque book, balance your studies with your beau. Balance everything.

So you wake up one day with an emerging epiphany, or is that just another grey hair? You think, I need to be better. I need to be more than I was yesterday. I need to prove to myself, to the world, that I know how to have an easy life. I possess the organization, the skills to balance. To be whole.

And you try for the next 24 hours to be on top of things. You say hello and goodbye. You eat quick, and think much faster. You make your bed, you wash your clothes, you say goodnight.

You saw very little. Your friend was in need of comfort, but you had no time. Your food was not savored, your bed was unwelcoming. Your dreams lacked spontaneity, no escape from your perfect world. You balanced everything, and lost more.

You walk around proud of your achievements. Of your ability to do what makes you thrive. But you feel alone, you crave attention, you try to be perfect but perfection isn’t perfect.

You have these wings that emerge when you do something for yourself, something that changes you. You fly to the comfort of the collective, as they fly to you. To follow the standard approach, to organize your chaos, to streamline your mistakes to reach avoidance. You are hiding those wings that take you to new places.

I wanted to be normal. You wanted to be normal. But normal isn’t perfect. Normal lacks creativity, the term is stagnant. Live in constant flux, never pausing, always seeking new lessons, new experiences. You will find a passion for something that you hadn’t thought twice about before, before you hopped under your covers. You love like you live, in a stable manor. But those who love most, feel most, see hearts collide, beating. Be jealous of the free birds, not the nested ones.

A.

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Brother.

“Nothing would make me happier.”

Hearing those words from my oldest brother…I never quite understood how much he loved me until now.

He and I had a minimalistic relationship when I was young. 14 years difference in age is definitely a contributor. It wasn’t until I requested his presence at my high school graduation, that our sibling relationship began to flourish.

He and I have very different personalities. He is the macho, douchey (but deep down sweetheart), big armed guy. I am the petite, academic sister who is in university. He has taken the role of “cheerleader” for my education. Always there to support.

I wish I could give him more in return. He has given me so much in the past four years…security and peace knowing I can confide in him. Trip to Whistler, paying for my food, introducing me to new people, coming to all of my life events, speaking positive about me. I try to to the same in return. I let everyone around me know that I love my brother and that he is a kind, thoughtful person, regardless of his initial persona.

They say siblings are the family that will be with you the longest, as age is close. Sure, we may have 14 years separation, but I see him in my life for as long as I can see. I recently was accepted into a masters program in the city he resides in. He said to me, “nothing would make me happier than for you to live here.”

I am excited for a new chapter in life, a new city, new people..but I recognize the importance of family and keeping them close. If there’s one thing I can do for him, it’s to be his family and to be near him. I want to continue to be his friend, and to show him what family is all about again!

So I send a warm thank you to my big brother. He is one of the most important persons in my life, and I can’t wait to live nearby.

Cheers to family!

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A.


Brave.

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Flowers.

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Waiting for Superman.

“The way she smiles.”

I want someone to notice that. Not my cleavage. Not my mini skirt. I don’t want to judge them in the same, degrading way. Muscles, jawline, attire. I walk into a club and I see faces…bodies…so disconnected.

Everyone judges the surface. I believe I have more below the surface to offer and so do most. I can’t stand the thought of wanting to meet someone based solely on their looks. I want to know more…

When you were 5, who was your biggest inspiration? When you fall asleep at night, what’s the last thing you think about? Do you bike, ski, run? Are you Conservative or Liberal? Happy or sad? Where are you in your life right now? Do you say you are a truthful person? How many glasses of water do you drink a day? I bet you forget to floss daily.

And I want them to know more about me…

My biggest inspiration were my parents. I constantly think about my future before I shut my eyes. I play soccer, I dance unprofessionally in my room and shower, and I’m open to doing more. Neither, NDP all the way. Happy, most of the time. I’m not quite sure where life will take me, but I’m sure of myself so that’s ok. I lie, but I know my limits – I am truthful to those I care about. I don’t count, but I probably should. Hey. You’re not my dentist…are you?

I make it sound so easy. But it’s not. It’s much easier to see a face and make assumptions. To settle for not knowing. If the world were blind, maybe we would learn to appreciate the meaning of words. Maybe we’d strike up a few extra conversations throughout our day. Listen to our bodies, accept our feelings, and love with our hearts.

In a world filled with disconnect, we find ourselves waiting for our hero. True…I’m waiting for my superman.

…But I hope I have the strength and courage to stop waiting and be a hero myself.

A.

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Reminder.

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Living.

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